Amahlaya aseGibhithe afa ngokuhleka

Amahlaya aseGibhithe

•  Omunye uSaeedi utshela umngane wakhe, “Bheka, umhlaba ukhokhela uBin Laden izigidi ezingu-25. Ngethemba ukuthi ukube ubenguBin Mohaj, ngabe benzani?”
•  Uweta emi ku-microbus..
  Ihleke intombazane emhlekayo.. 
  Amqhwebe ngeso..
  mtshele ukuthi ehle.. 
  Ngehla ngahlala endaweni yakhe.
•  Omunye unkosikazi oyisiwula wazalwa emva kwenyanga eshadile, bambuza ukuthi kanjani?!! Wabatshela, O suku olumnyama, ngomona, bantu.
•  Lapho ibheja lishada nebheja, balishiya.
•  Omunye washada nowesifazane ogama lakhe linguNima Basha, uShaw noDahr.
•  Omunye oshiye ngemuva kwesihlathi.

Ufuna ukufa uhleko? Bona ezingaphezu kuka-1000 amahlaya ahlekisayo

•  Iphoyisa lomgwaqo ngemuva kwesigodi likhuluma ngophawu..
•  Lapho i-jihadist ihambile, yaphuma ngakolunye uhlangothi.
•  Abayishumi kwabakwaSaida bafunda ukubopha uthayi, abangu-6 bashonile kanti abane basesimweni esibucayi.
•  Elinye lamazinyo akhe liyandiza ngaphandle kwamazinyo... Wafaka isicelo somsebenzi bamqoka umshayi wezibhakela.
•  Omunye waya ekhemisi wathi kudokotela: Ngifuna ubisi lwengane... Dokotela: Lubizwa ngani? Wathi igama lakhe ngu-Ashraf.
•  USadi wangena ekhanda lakhe esibayeni sebhubesi ..
  Wathi unogada wenzani Boya? Wathi umalume ungesabi sizodla.
• Amatshwele amabili ahamba elenga iqanda entanyeni..   
  Owesibili uyambuza ukuthi luhlobo luni lweqanda leli? Wamtshela ukuthi lesi yisithombe sami ngisemncane.

Chofoza lapha futhi ubuke amahlaya amnandi kakhulu ka-2019

Amahlaya aseGibhithe afa ngokuhleka

•  Enolaka, imali yakhe yawa ophahleni, wehla wabahlangabeza..
  kuye? Yehla ngokushesha kunabo.
•  Lapho aba-5 sebengene e-Faculty of Engineering, ababili baba ngonjiniyela, kwathi abathathu baphothula eNasr City.
• Idada elide laya esitolo lathi, "Unawo amagilebhisi?" wathi cha.. 
  Wahamba wabuya futhi, wamtshela ukuthi unawo amagilebhisi? Wathi: "Awuqondi, anginawo amagilebhisi, futhi uma ubuyela lapha, ngizokubophela esitolo sami." 
  Wahamba wabuya emva kwesikhashana, wamtshela ukuthi unayo intambo? Wathi cha, wathi, unawo amagilebhisi?
• Isisebenzi saseGibhithe sibuza isisebenzi saseMelika, ukuthi udidekile kangakanani? Uthe ama-basic salary angu-700, ama-doctoral allowance angu-700, ama-travel allowance angu-500, nama-600 avela kwamanye amazwe, kanti udidekile kangakanani? U-Al-Masry uphendule wathi, “amaphawundi angama-600.”   
  Wathini esikhundleni sokuthi?? Wathi esikhundleni salokho engangikusho. Okuningi amahlaya Ohlekisayo waseGibhithe, uzofa ngokuhleka
• Umuntu okhandwe ngamatshe uphuphe kunabantu abamshayile ephusheni. 
  Ngelanga lesibili waya kuninalume abantwabakhe balala ngovivi. 
• Myeni: ngizokuphathela umata ukuze ngithandaze emini. 
  Unkosikazi: USharia uthi umkhuleko wale ndoda usemosque. 
  Umyeni: Futhi uSharia, ekuphenduleni kwakhe, uthi ezimbili, ezintathu, nekota. 
  Mfazi: ngizokwendlalela umata ehholo hhayi ekamelweni. 
• Omunye wathi kunina ngithandazise..   
  Wathi kuye: “Hamba, ndodana yami; kwangathi uNkulunkulu angakunika indlu engaqashi, nokudla okungenamali, nabagadi bakho.” 
  Wazithola esejele. 
• EMelika, bayesaba ukutshela izingane ukuthi uSanta Claus akayena owangempela ngenxa yengqondo yabo. 
  Kodwa eGibhithe siyabatshela ukuthi sihlangana nabo emnyango we-mosque noma eduze nodoti. 

Chofoza lapha futhi ubuke amahlaya amnandi kakhulu ka-2019

•  Indoda encishanayo ime kuvulandi... indodana yayo iqhamuka kude izothi, "Baba, baba, baba"... Yathi, "Siwula, baba, eyodwa yanele."
•  Omunye womasipala bethu ulwa nomunye..
  Ngakho wamshaya ebusweni wathi, “Kungani kunjalo, azikho izigqi?”
•  Isiphukuphuku sabona i-internet cafe ethi ihora ngamaphawundi angu-3....
  Imali engenayo ebuzwayo iphikisana nokuvikelwa?
•  U-Hassanein wathola isikhwama semali wafuna ukusifihla, wemba emhlabathini wasigqiba, futhi wabhala, “Akukho mali lapha.” U-Mohammedin wemba wathatha imali, wabhala, “U-Mohamedin akaklwebhekanga lutho.
• Umfundi utshela umama wakhe ukuthi angiphelezele kusasa esikoleni.. 
  Wamtshelani sthandwa sami? Washo uthisha wathi ongawenzi umsebenzi wesikole ngizoshaya unina ngesiphunzi. 
• Izigebengu ezintathu zamisa itekisi.. 
  Umnikazi wetekisi wazi ukuthi bagcwele, wavula imoto, wayicisha futhi, wathi kubo: "Asambe."   
  Owokuqala ufuna imali yakhe.. 
  Owesibili ngalwa naye ukuthi akhokhe.. 
  Wehla owesithathu emotweni washaya umshayeli ngepeni wathi, "Awuyithandi le mpi ungashayela ngokushesha." amahlaya Uyathimula ngokuhleka, bheka manje
• Iqembu lama-junkie lathi amaMelika asefikile enyangeni, futhi sifuna ukufinyelela elangeni. 
  Omunye wabatshela wathi: “Awukwesabi ukusha.” Bathi kuye: “Siwula, ucabanga ukuthi sizophuma ekuseni? Sizophuma ebusuku. 
•  Wake wathenga isibani sezinzipho wasibethela odongeni.
•  Indoda encishanayo ishada nentombazane encishanayo, Bayilethe i-piggy bank.
•  Kukhona ichashaza eliluhlaza esixwayiso, liyini?? Intuthwane egqoke amajini.

Chofoza lapha futhi ubuke amahlaya wakamuva waseGibhithe 2019

Amahlaya ufa ngokuhleka Nezimo ezibhuqayo nezihlekisayo

• Ngesinye isikhathi, uZarif wayehlala endimeni..
  Omuhle wayehlala esitezi esiphezulu.
•  Eseyisiboshwa, ubaba wakhe washona..
  Umuntu ohamba emngcwabeni uthi, "Hhayi bo madoda, umngcwabo awunalutho."
• Uthisha utshela umfundi ukuthi afake igama (elingaphelele) emshweni awushilo: kanti lingaphelele, uthi aliveze futhi.

amahlaya ahlekisayo Kakhulu, kakhulu, impela, yibuke manje endaweni yaseGibhithe

• Uthisha wesiNgisi ubuza umfundi, “What does coconut mean in English?” “Ukhukhunathi” wathi kuye, uprofesa wamtshela ukuthi awubeke emshweni owusizo.
  Kusho uKhokhonathi evele ngewindi.
•  Hashish, umshayeli we-ambulensi empini, ethwele abashonile abangama-35.
  Uzwe emsakazweni ukuthi bangu-30 abantu asebebulewe.
  Wasukuma wavula umnyango wathi: Abahlanu abamangele, yehlani masinyane.

Chofoza lapha futhi ubone izithombe ezinhle kakhulu ezibhalwe amahlaya ahlekisayo

• Wake wathi kumkakhe, kukhona engifuna ukukuvuma kuwe. 
  Wathi akasho.. 
  Wathi, "Ngiyamthanda u-Heinz."
  Wamtshela ukuthi ngiyamthanda uHaitham.
  U-Heinz uthe isoso.. 
  Bamtshela noHaitham, lokhu kuyijamu.
• Umuntu unemoto endala futhi ufuna ukuyidayisa, umngani wakhe wathi akafake uphawu lweMercedes kuyolandela. 
  Ingabe uzokwenza lokhu ngemva kwesonto, umngane wakhe uyambuza, ingabe usidayisile isi-Arabhu noma cha? Wathi uyisilima, ngidayisa imoto yohlobo lweMercedes.
• Omunye womasipala bethu uphethe ibhomu abasebenzi balijikijela ngesandla. 
  Enye indoda yamhlangabeza, yathi: Uzakubhidliza indlu yakho, lapho isizoqhuma. 
  Wathi: Ningabesabi abanye.
• Esikoleni, uthisha wezibalo ubuza umfundi wakhe: Uma uyihlo eboleka inkulungwane yopondo ebhange nezinye eziyinkulungwane kumakhelwane wakho, ubezobuya nezinkulungwane ezingaki? Umfundi: Akukho okuzobuya, Solwazi. 
  UProfessor: ndodana uboleke inkulungwane, bese uboleka enye inkulungwane. 
  Umfundi: Akukho okuzobuya, Solwazi. 
  Solwazi: Hlala phansi ndodana awazi lutho ngezibalo. 
  Mfundi: Nguwena ongamazi ubaba.

Chofoza lapha futhi ubuke amahlaya aseGibhithe ahlekisa kakhulu ngosuku lwanamuhla

Amahlaya aseGibhithe afa ngokuhleka

• Nina nobabili nihamba nidakiwe... 
  Omunye wathi komunye: Lapho ngifa, ngizoqhubeka ngiphuza indebe yami. 
  Umngane wethu washona. 
  Ngemva kwezinsuku ezimbalwa, ibha yaya endaweni yokucima ukoma yabiza izinkomishi ezimbili. 
  Wathi, “O, kodwa uwedwa. 
  Mtshele ngakho. 
  Futhi nsuku zonke wayephuza izinkomishi ezimbili.
  Kwaze kwathi ngelinye ilanga wacela inkomishi eyodwa.. 
  Indoda yathi: "Silalele." 
  Wathi: Ngayeka ukuphuza..
• Kwake kwaba nokuzamazama komhlaba kwe-92. 
  Umuntu wathwala umamezala wehla naye, wagijima ekhuphuka izitebhisi. 
  Ngihlangane nomuntu othi uyesaba kungani indlu okuyo ingawi.. 
  Kwazise ngihamba nayo ngiya endlini ekhona.
• Uma ephupha nsuku zonke amatshwele ayafana.. 
  ngiye ku doctor.. 
  Wathi, “Ngizokujova manje, futhi ngeke uphinde uwaphuphe.” 
  Wathi makube kusasa Dokotela ngoba namuhla umdlalo wamanqamu.
• Ngesinye isikhathi, owesifazane watshela umakhelwane wakhe, “Ngilandele, Umm Muhammad. Ngithumele umyeni wami ukuba azongithathela i-molokhia, eshayiswe ibhasi.” 
  Oh Nkosi yami wenzeni? Ngenza i-okra futhi umyalo wami kuNkulunkulu.
• Omunye wathi kwingoduso yakhe, “Ungubisi.”
  Uyi cream..
  ungubisi..
  Noma ngikutshela inkomo yonke.
• Enye imabula encinzwe inyoka yayihlezi ihleka.. 
  Yathi inyoka uhlekani, Dana ukumpintshile?? Wathi ngine-AIDS.
• Udokotela wamehlo uhlezi nengoduso yakhe engadini yezinhlanzi, ephethe i-rose, wathi, “Uyayibona le rose sithandwa sami? 
  Wathi kuye, "Yebo," ngakho wabuyisela isandla sakhe ngemuva kancane wathi, "Kulungile, futhi yilokho." - Landela amahlaya amahle kakhulu futhi amangalisayo namuhla

Chofoza lapha futhi ubuke amahlaya ahlekisayo e-Mahshashin

• Omunye wesifazane unenkohliso futhi akazi ukuthi uzomkala kanjani ngoba isikali siyaphuka njalo. 
  Balethe izikali zakamuva ezivela ngaphandle bathi sizosazi isisindo sakhe.. 
  Ngemva kokufika esikalini... 
  Isikali saphuma nephepha elibhalwe cela bantu ngamunye ngamunye.
• Indiza egcwele abantu abavela emazweni ama-Arab, ngakhuluma nokaputeni ngathi: Indiza izowa, kufanele sehlise isisindo sayo, kufanele sikhiphe abantu aba-3 kuyo.. 
  Wasukuma owaseGibithe, wathi: “Mana njalo iGibithe elangifundisa ubudoda, lazilahla;
  Wasukuma umLibhiya, wathi: “Mana njalo iLibhiya, eyangifundisa ubudoda, yazilahla. 
  U-Moroccan wasukuma wathi: Phila i-Morocco, eyangifundisa ukuthwala izinsimbi, futhi yaphonsa ohlezi eduze kwakhe.
• Ngesinye isikhathi, uZamalek washada nowesifazane, futhi wamtshela, ngendlela, ukuthi ngashada ngaphambi kwakho, futhi wathi, "O, yimina njalo okwesibili."
• Kwake kwaba khona i-bastard eya emathuneni yabeka i-life bar yamnandi.
• Uthishanhloko weFarah's Work School unikeze izihambeli izinombolo zokuhlala.
• Ngesinye isikhathi iqhude latshela itshwele ukuthi lingishade.
  Wamtshela ukuthi ubaba uzongihlaba.
• Umdlali wegeyimu ushonile, kubhalwe i-Game Over ethuneni lakhe.

Chofoza lapha futhi ubuke Amahlaya aseGibhithe aqinile kakhulu